


The Third Wheel

by SnifflingGorilla



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Depression, Multi, Sad, Thirdwheel, melancholia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:14:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26643556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnifflingGorilla/pseuds/SnifflingGorilla
Summary: Kenma has been Kuroo's best friend for 7 years. Their bond was unbreakable..or so Kenma thought. Emiko Nakumura. Kuroo met her in his 2nd year of highschool, and she became his whole world, leaving Kenma out of the equation. But while Emiko and Kuroo have the time of their lives, Kenma continues to quietly suffer from the embrace of melancholia, a form of depression. Diagnosed 2 years ago, everyday has been a struggle. With Emiko brought into the group, Kenma wishes more and more to leave. When the time comes for Kuroo to choose, one of them has already faded out of his grasp. This is the the story of Kenma the Third Wheel.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 3
Kudos: 28





	The Third Wheel

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This contains acts of su_cide so proceed with caution and remember to contact people if you are feeling down and not in your right mind before you think of leaving us. Enjoy this story as it is my first and hopefully I'll see you again soon :) - SnifflingGorilla

The Third Wheel  


“KENMAAA!” The tall, black-haired male sprinted towards his best friend, arms spread wide like an eagle. He closed his eyes and embraced Kenma, who stood with his hands inside his jacket pockets. 

“Kuroo, we’re gonna be late. Let go.” He looked at his beaming smile.

“No, we’re not!” Kuroo whined. “I’m just happy to see you!”

“But you see me everyday.” 

“You’re my best friend, Kenma! Now, let’s go!” Kuroo took Kenma’s hand and together they ran to school. Kuroo beamed that shining smile as they ran with great speed.

Kenma sighed.  
It never gets old.

__________________

They ran through the gates. Most of the students were still outside, talking.

“See? We made it!” said Kuroo.

“Whatever.” Kenma scoffed. Kuroo chuckled. 

“We still on for video games on the weekend?” 

“You know I don’t usually do anything else so yeah, we’re still on.” Kenma wanted to smile, but his lips refused to move.  
Kuroo chuckled again. Then his eyes left Kenma’s face.

“Oh, Emiko!” He waved to a beautiful girl with shining brown hair. Kenma’s heartbeat faltered. Emiko caught sight of Kuroo and started making her way to the two. 

Emiko Nakamura was Kuroo’s girlfriend. They met each other in their second year after being assigned with one another and one more person to complete a group project. She and Kuroo immediately clicked and started to become good friends. Later that year, they both realized they had developed feelings for one another and confessed to each other during lunch time. Since then, they have hung out multiple times and have gone on just over 100 dates. 

*Kuroo is in his third year of high school and Kenma is a year younger, in his 2nd year of high school.

“Hi, Kuroo-san! I was looking for you!” Emiko had a cute, high, voice, which Kuroo liked very much. 

Kuroo’s face turned a light red. “Sorry, I was running late. I ran here with Kemna.”

Kenma gave a small bow, then kept his head slightly low. Emiko looked at Kenma for a second, then turned back to Kuroo. 

“Well, since you were running late, how about you make it up to me by walking to class with me?” She smiled a wide smile, her big green eyes sparkling in the sunlight. 

“Sure!” He took her hand. “I’ll see you later, Kenma!” He gave Kenma a smile and walked off with Emiko. This was the usual routine. Kenma waited in front of his house for Kuroo, then watched Kuroo go to see Emiko. 

They’ve only known each other for 6 months, why is she replacing me?... Kenma sighed.

Kenma met Kuroo in elementary school. He was sitting by himself on the steps in the playground, playing games on his PSP. Kenma never played with the other kids because he didn’t like to stand out and socialize. So he used video games to keep away from the other children. Kenma did this every day. Until he showed up. 

“Why do you never play with the others?” Kenma was startled, and looked up from the PSP. 

And there he was, squatting on the floor, gazing at Kenma with those rich brown eyes. Kenma was speechless. This was the first time someone had taken notice of Kenma and approached him. 

“I..don’t like to be around other kids.” He looked back down. His voice was soft, but Kuroo had heard him clearly.

“Why? Did they do something bad to you? Do I need to have a word with them?

“Uh-” Kenma lifted his head back up. “No, they didn’t do anything bad. I’m just too scared and shy.” 

“Don’t be scared!” Kuroo stood up and held out his hand. “Come with me. We can play any game you want, away from the other kids. No one but you and I.” 

Kenma looked at his smile. It was warm, and Kenma felt a strange emotion. He felt..welcomed. He hesitated, but then slowly took his hand.

Ever since that day, Kenma hung out with Kuroo, and discovered more about him. They found themselves going to the same middle school. Kuroo had to wait a year, though, because Kenma was a year younger than him. They stuck together and made it to high school.

Kenma knew everything about Kuroo, and Kuroo knew everything about Kenma...almost everything.

_____________________

Kenma entered the classroom and sat down. He pulled out his PSP and started to play Animal Crossing, his favourite game. 

Kuroo’s been by my side for 7 years….then all of a sudden a girl who has a history of 6 months with him comes along and knocks me out? Why? Is there something he sees in her that he doesn’t see in me? Is she better because her family is wealthy?...

Is Kuroo….tired of my company?

Kenma stopped playing his game. As hard as he tried to shoo these usual thoughts away, they just kept coming back to mind. His heart throbbed every time they did. Kenma put his PSP away and sat in silence. His phone vibrated in his pocket. 

Appointment with Dr. Fujita, 5pm, the screen read. Kenma’s eyes softened. Dr. Fujita wasn’t any doctor. He was Kenma’s “special” doctor. Kenma was diagnosed with melancholia, a form of depression, two years ago, when he was 15. His whole life, Kenma never ate much, but he started eating even less and lost weight from time to time because Kuroo made him eat more sometimes. Kenma stopped going out as often and his actions became slower. He used to love visiting the zoo, spending some time at the aquarium to gaze at fish and occasionally watch the stars, all with Kuroo, but he lost interest. Kenma started playing games more and started staying up very late because he was terrified of his dreams. His immune system became weak and got sick often. Kuroo was protective of Kenma and got worried every time he got sick, but stopped after meeting Emiko. 

Kenma put his phone away and continued sitting in silence.

____________________

The rest of the day went by, and Kenma hadn’t said much words at all.  
“Well, bye, Emiko-chan! Let’s head home, Kenma. Kenma?” Kuroo looked at Kenma.

He snapped back to mind. “Huh? Oh. No, go with Emiko. I have somewhere to be.”

Kenma checked the time on his phone. 4:47pm. 

“Really? Where are you going?” Kuroo asked.

“I just need to pick something up. That’s all.” Kenma didn’t particularly like lying to Kuroo, but that was the effect of melancholia on Kenma. 

“I can come with you! I’ll carry it for you! I’ll lead the way!” Kuroo knew how weak Kenma was getting, and that he couldn’t hold many things by himself, so he often offered to help. Typical. Besides, Kenma knew Tokyo like the back of his skinny hand.

“No, that’s okay. Just go on with Emiko.” He turned and went on his way.

“Kenma-” Kuroo held his hand out, but soon returned it to his side.

“Come on, I heard there’s a new ice cream shop nearby. Let’s go try it!” Emiko looped her arm with his, but his gaze was still fixed on Kenma, who grew smaller as he walked off in the distance. 

“I feel like I see Kenma less nowadays. He’s usually hiding somewhere, playing games, then disappearing after school, just like elementary.” Sadness reflected in his eyes.

“I’m sure he has his reasons. Or do you want to go catch up with him and help him?”

“No, it’s okay. I shouldn’t crowd him too much. It might make him uncomfortable. Let’s head to the shop you were talking about.” He turned and started walking slowly. Kuroo couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of guilt on his shoulders as he walked. He glanced at Emiko. She had a smile on her face, and her green eyes shone in the orange sun.

She’s beautiful.

____________________

I wonder if he ever feels guilty or think about how I am. I know he’s concerned about the state of my body, and he pushes me to eat more, but is it an act? Is he doing it because he pities me? Does he or not pity me? Does he care? Or does he only think about Emiko? No, I’m just overthinking. But I need an answer. No, I could never tell him about my melancholia. It’d throw him off his routines. Would he think it’s bad? Would he stop taking care of me?

These thoughts clouded his head as he arrived at the doctor’s office. He went to the reception desk and sat down. He waited for about 5 minutes until he heard Dr. Fujita’s voice.

“Kozume Kenma?” He had his usual warm smile on his face.

Kenma looked up.

“Want to come into my office?” He gestured his hand down the hall.

Kenma picked up his bags and made his way to the office. 

Kenma sat down on the brown leather chair and Dr. Fujita sat across from him on the office chair. He folded his hands on the desk and looked at Kenma.

“How’s it going? Is your diet stable? Is there a new symptom? Talk to me because I’m here.” 

“It’s..getting unbearable. He looks at her like she’s his entire universe. When he smiles and laughs with her, it’s like watching the Sun and Moon sharing a drink with each other, and you’re just one of the stars, watching them bond. And being happy for them, even if you’re left out of the equation. He always makes it up to her if he’s late or something, leaving me with no one I could possibly talk to.”

Tears started to roll down his face. Dr. Fujita had a sad look on his face.

“It happens every morning. I don’t care if he’s concerned that I’ll get lost or the microwave isn't warming up a meal for me and he gets upset that I’m not eating, because it’s pointless, I don’t want food, or a map of Tokyo, I just want his company. He’s the only person I can count on to be there. My parents aren’t proud and wouldn’t even lift a finger if I were drowning. Kuroo’s all I’ve got. But now...I’m not so sure if even he would save me. It’s killing me, doc. But I’m happy for Kuroo. What do I do?”

Kenma was sobbing now. He desperately tried to wipe his tears. He mumbled under his breath as he tried to put on his brave face.

“You know I care a lot about you and your health, Kenma. You’re the best client I have and you’ve come a long way. You should already be proud of yourself enough that you had the guts to see me 2 years ago. I think that you should try going out with both Kuroo and Emiko so that you might be able to accept your place between you three.”

“But..I’d be third-wheeling. I’m already a th-third wheel at home because I’m an only child and since my parents love each other so much, there’s none left for me so they just ignored me but gave me a bedroom, and enough f-food for me to stay alive. Will it be the same with Kuroo and Emiko? W-will they just let me be around them and give me enough attention and care to keep me above the surface? Or will it be the opposite? Will they t-treat me like trash, will the-” Kenma ranted out of fear.

“Kenma! You’re always overthinking. I know, I know, it’s been so hard for you, and it still is, but I need you to just try. Try to build a stronger connection with Emiko, and maybe even Kuroo. You might find that it’s not as bad as it seems. In fact, go out with them tomorrow. It’s Friday, after all. Nothing like hanging out with friends after a long week of hard work, right?” He had a kind smile on his face.

Kenma nodded slowly. “I suppose. What do I do if they say no?”

“I guarantee they won’t.” 

“Okay.”

Kenma thanked Dr Fujita for talking with him and left.

__________________

Kenma arrived home and plopped down onto the bed. He checked his phone. There was a missed call and a text from Kuroo.

[the rooster]  
Heyyy, Kenma the Kitten! I was going to go to the ice cream shop with Emiko-chan,but her parents called on the way and said she had to come home for something, so I went home. Are you alright Let me call you. :19 mins ago

[the rooster tried to call you]

[the rooster]  
Hey, why didn’t you pick up? Are you alright? Tell me the shop you’re at or where you are so I can come help you. :23 mins ago 

Kitten? Are you there? I’m getting sad :( Answer meeeee :( :28 mins ago

Kenma’s eyes stung with tears. He sucked them back in.

[apple pi/kitten]

I’m fine, Kuroo. I just got held up at the store. There was also a line. :3 secs ago

[the rooster is online]

[the rooster]

Kenma! Thank gosh you’re not dead! I was worried. I thought you’d gotten taken away by aliens and was going to be sent to like, Mars! Oikawa told me that it was possible when I texted him I was concerned.

[apple pi/kitten]

Really? I would never be taken away by aliens. You don’t need to get so worried about me. I know my way around Tokyo, and I can protect myself.

[the rooster]

Okay, fine. You probably won’t get kidnapped. But you and I both know you can’t fight other people. Your immune system is weak and you don’t have the strength to land a proper punch. So don’t ever try to fight someone off yourself. Tell me if you ever need help. You’re my best friend, and I can’t function with you.

[apple pi/kitten]

Okay, I got it. I won’t try to fight someone. Now I have to go, it’s nearly dinner. Bye.

[apple pi/kitten is offline]

[the rooster]

Wait- it’s only 5:45pm though..Kenma come back! :( we don’t talk as much anymore...but I still love you, best friend. If you left me, I wouldn’t be able to go on.. 

Kenma sighed. He stared blankly at the ceiling. 

“You’re my best friend, and I can’t function without you.” …. “If you left me, I wouldn’t be able to go on.”

Kuroo’s words rang inside Kenma’s head. He closed his eyes.

Is that really true, Kuroo? Or is it a lie.?..

____________________

Kenma stares at the phone screen. 

“I think that you should try going out with both Kuroo and Emiko so that you might be able to accept your place between you three.”

What if it’s too awkward or they don’t want to? Screw it. I have to try.

[apple pi/kitten]

Hey Kuroo, can you, Emiko and I hang out together today if you’re both free?...

Kenma hesitates. He closes his eyes and hits send, He gets a reply back almost instantly.

[the rooster]

Sure! I thought you’d never ask! I’m so excited! I’ll have to go ask Emiko-chan, first! Do you want me to pick you up?

Kenma sighs in relief.

[apple pi/kitten]

Ok. I’ll see you soon.

Emiko said she was free, and the three went out to a carnival event that was taking place. The atmosphere felt like Kenma’s childhood, but it wasn’t the same.

He didn’t smile. He didn’t laugh. It no longer felt like he belonged. Seeing Kuroo smile made his universe crumble. His heart throbbed as he took pictures with Emiko. And his stomach danced as Kuroo took one selfie with Kenma. 

“That’s a nice smile, Kenma! I’ll treasure this photo forever!” he chuckled. Little did he know that photo was full of lies.

Kenma’s surroundings were inaudible as he sat staring at his ice cream drip to the floor. Emiko and Kuroo chatted away, sitting half a metre away.

Even the ice cream is crying..

Before he knew it, tears had melted into Kenma’s ice cream. Kuroo caught sight and ran over to the crying kitten. 

“Kenma, what’s wrong? Is the ice cream bad? Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Kenma sniffled. 

“I..I’m going to go home. I’m tired now..” He got up and ran, tears flying in the wind as Kuroo shouted after him.

“Kenma! Wait! Kenma!” 

Emiko appeared behind him.

“What happened to Kenma?”

Kuroo looked down. 

“I..don’t know. He’s just been so different lately. I better give him some space.”

Perhaps too much space..

_________________

I must be insane! I just ran off because I was embarrassed and jealous! Kuroo must think I’m a clown and useless now..

Kenma ran into his house and slammed his bedroom door. He slid down the door and sat there in a sobbing mess. Countless thoughts flowed through his mind as the tears blurred his vision. He trembled helplessly, wanting to scream but no sound came out. After calming down, he lay there, frozen.

If..Kuroo had to choose between me and Emiko-san...he’d choose her, right? Because I’m hopeless at life and I can’t smile worth a trash can. So...I should..go, right? I should leave, depart, take off..disappear..fade away…

More tears filled his eyes, Kuroo’s ringtone echoing through his thought tunnel. 27 missed calls. 25 new messages. 0 attention paid. 0 will to live.

Kenma heaved himself up, made his way to the kitchen…..and booked a ticket to another life.

___________________

The door burst open.

“Is he okay? Is he alive?!” He rushed to the weak man’s side. Multiple bandages were wrapped around his torso. Dry blood was visible on the crisp white bandage.

“What the heck happened to Kenma???” Kuroo had small tears in the corners of his eyes.

“He was found lying unconscious in his kitchen by a local therapist who had come to check on Kenma after missing an appointment. A metal object was lodged in his stomach. We figure it was a..you know, attempt. He’s still breathing, miraculously. He should wake up soon.” said the doctor nearby.

“WHAT?! He tried to...he actually wanted to go? And leave me behind? Kenma, why…” Big tears were falling and Kuroo buried his face in the hospital bed sheets.

“Dr Fujita, or Kenma’s therapist wanted to see you. I think the information he has is quite useful.”

Kuroo took a moment to breathe then got up to talk to the doctor outside. Dr Fujita explained Kenma’s melancholia and when he was diagnosed, but most importantly, why Kenma had been seeing him. Kuroo sobbed loudly in shock that his best friend had been suffering so quietly and he was too deaf to listen to Kenma’s quiet screams for help.

Dr Fujita handed Kuroo a letter that Kenma had written. It was filled with his thoughts, how he hated being the third wheel, how Emiko was slowly ruining his life, how melancholia was like Emiko’s sidekick, strengthening the blow of every passing day.

Later that night, Kenma woke up. 

“Kenma! Are you okay?” Kuroo’s eyes were puffy and red from crying. Kenma took one look and started crying too.  
“Why am I still here? Why can I still see you?! I thought I left! You’re an illusion! You’re not real! This is all fake!” Kenma rolled in pain.

“Kenma, calm down! It’s not fake! I’m really here! And I’m sorry! I..am so sorry, that I was so blind to your pain, so deaf to your cries of help. Please don’t ever do it again, I told you..I can’t go on without you. You’re my lifeline. Please don’t fade...Please stay..” Kuroo broke down again.

They had a quiet chat, but Kenma couldn’t bear to look in Kuroo’s sad eyes for more than a minute. His heart never stopped throbbing, even though Emiko was never brought up. Kuroo tried desperately to stay awake to talk to Kenma, but he gave in and he snored softly, his head resting on the hospital bed. Kenma sobbed quietly, trying not to wake up Kuroo.

But Kenma didn’t want to see it any longer. He didn’t want to keep seeing them thrive. He didn’t want to grow old….He didn’t want to see Kuroo’s face ever again.

The needles left his embrace and a fork made its entrance….

With all his remaining strength, he reached down, pulled out a light brown bear with a red ribbon, tore a sticky note on the bedside table, and wrote:

“彼女の心を壊さないで.”

He stuck it onto the bear, and rested his hand onto Kuroo’s head.

“All I wanted was to hear you knocking at my door one last time, but you didn’t. Then I could’ve done this sooner. I could’ve died happy. But, here we are...I’m sorry that I let you down, Kuroo…”

Kenma’s dream home claimed another soul that night.

__________________

The hospital door burst open. 

“Is she okay?? Is she nauseous? Is she-”

“Kuroo, I’m okay. Why don’t you check on the little one here?” she chuckled. In her arms was a small being. 

Tears swelled in the man’s eyes.

“Tetsurou! Don’t stand there! Come welcome him!” The woman smiled brightly.

“Congratulations! You’ve produced a healthy baby boy! Although he doesn’t have a name yet. Any thoughts?” The doctor said behind Kuroo, who held the small baby in his arms.

Emiko looked at him. “Is there anything that comes to mind, Kuroo?” She smiled again.

Kuroo smiled. “...Kenma.”

___________________

The End.

___________________

Side Ending :)

“Okay, you ready to go, bud?” He fixed his tie one last time before checking on the boy. 

“Here, hold the flowers. Don’t drop them. They’re very special!”

“Uwah!” The small boy clutched the flowers in one hand, the teddy bear in the other.  
“Your uncle is gonna love these flowers! They were his favourite! Plus, it’s his birthday today! So I’m sure he’ll be excited to receive them!”

The small boy smiled. The man carried him into the car and drove to the given address.

“Watch your step, okay? There’s a lot of stones and things you can trip on. We don’t want to wreck the flowers for Uncle, right?” the man chuckled.

“Wah!” the boy giggled.

“Okay, put them down here. Right in front of the- yep, there.”

The small boy set down the flowers next to the slice of apple pie.

“Say happy birthday to Uncle, buddy.”

“Hah Budae!” the small boy giggled.

Kuroo stepped forward slightly. A single tear ran down his face.

If you loved me, why’d you leave me, Kenma..

He smiled.

“Happy Birthday, Kenma.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is SnifflingGorilla! This is my first story and I appreicate you taking your time to check it out! I hope it was sad enough for you because It made me really sad too..I love you endlessly and please remember to contact a helpline or talk to someone if you're feeling down or thinking of leaving us. Keep smiling :)


End file.
